


Red Red Wine

by lahellyea



Category: Choices - Fandom, Open Heart (Visual Novel)
Genre: Alcohol, Ethan needs a hug, Light Angst, M/M, Romance, Touch-Starved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-18
Updated: 2019-06-18
Packaged: 2020-05-14 08:35:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19269610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lahellyea/pseuds/lahellyea
Summary: And then Ethan decided that he didn’t really care.





	Red Red Wine

**Author's Note:**

> A rewrite of that scene in Chapter 8 when MC goes to Ethan’s apartment for the first time. Kinda dragged in some elements from the Miami scene as well. Canon divergence, obviously! Title is inspired by the song by UB40. Enjoy!

When Dr Welles sat next to him in his apartment, on his sofa, Ethan told himself it was alright.

Two colleagues could have drinks together, couldn’t they? They could talk after work and have wine. It wasn’t a big deal; they could discuss their work and enjoy each other’s company in a strictly professional manner…

At least, that was what Ethan tried to convince himself.

When Dr Welles looked through him with those wide, brown eyes, he told himself he wasn’t searching for the flecks of bronze he often spotted in them.

And when Maddox put a hand on his knee and promised to help him with Naveen, he told himself he wasn’t going to flinch.

But he wasn’t prepared for the warmth that ran down his leg like a flash of lightning, turning his knees weak. He was grateful for the fact that he was sitting down, or else he knew he would’ve lost all feeling in them. With all his willpower, Ethan forced himself to stay still, feeling the warmth of Maddox’s hand through the fabric of his pants.

Christ, what was the matter with him?

“I’m here,” Maddox said, looking at him again with those puppy dog eyes.

“I know,” He forced out, hating the way his voice sounded.

“You’ll solve this.” Maddox sounded so earnest that for a moment, he had a little faith restored in himself.

“You sound so certain.” And then all the doubt came crashing back because now there was one more person who had put their faith in him. One more person to let down.

“I am,” He said, eyes full of conviction. He had a reassuring smile on his face, and Ethan had to look away. He concentrated on swirling the wine in his glass.

“If there’s anyone in the world who can solve it, it’s you,” Maddox continued, his voice sounding gentle and just so _unbearably_ sweet.

Then Ethan realised he was staring at Maddox’s lips. They looked lush and full, and the corners quirked upwards into that soft smile of his. They were stained red from the wine, and he wondered, now slightly embarrassed if his looked the same.

“…Dr Ramsey?” He asked, sounding a little concerned when Ethan didn’t reply. He lifted his gaze to meet Maddox’s eyes again, hearing his blood rush in his ears.

He cleared his throat. What was their strictly professional conversation about? Oh, yes. Guilt, only momentarily lifted by Maddox’s presence, sank back into his chest like a dead weight.

“Let’s just hope it isn’t too late,” He sighed. God, his friend was dying and he was here, pouring his heart out to a medical intern. He wondered what Naveen would have to say about this. It was better, though, if he never knew.

Maddox nodded, at a loss for words. Then Ethan realised he still had his hand on his knee. He stiffened.

“Oh.” Maddox glanced down, biting that lush pink lip of his. “Sorry.”

He made a movement to remove his hand. Without thinking, Ethan placed his own over it. Maddox’s hand was soft and smooth underneath his fingers, which were rough from years of work. He thought about the last time he held someone’s hand, and in all honesty, couldn’t remember.

“Dr Ramsey?” Maddox said, surprised. He was looking at him again with those big brown eyes.

Ethan always prided himself on his ability to read people. One look into their eyes, and he could tell when someone was lying to him, or what they really thought of him behind their easy smiles or words of flattery.

In Maddox’s eyes, he saw something like wonder. Hope. And need.

Ethan cursed himself because he was the one who stopped Maddox from pulling away, the one who made all that wonder and hope and need spark in his eyes. It was his fault.

And then Ethan decided that he didn’t really care.

He carefully set his wine glass down.

Then, with his blood thundering in his ears, and nearly every fibre of his being telling him to _stop, no!_ he leaned forward and kissed Maddox on his sweet, wine-stained lips.

He let out a muffled noise of surprise, but a beat passed and then he was kissing Ethan back with a ferocity that startled him.

The voice that had been protesting in his mind was silenced as Maddox pressed into him. With his eyes closed, he heard Maddox’s wine glass make a dull _thud_ on the coffee table as he reached out and put it down. Then his soft hands were running through Ethan’s hair, tugging his body ever closer, and it felt so, so good.

The warmth was back again. This time it ran down his spine in a way that made him shiver. Maddox noticed this, and he pulled away, breathless.

“Dr Ramsey, you’re—”

“Ethan,” He corrected him, wincing. He didn’t want to think about his title for now. In fact, he didn’t want to think much about anything at all, except for Maddox and his kisses and his touch.

“Ethan.” He watched him say his name. It rolled off his tongue neatly. “Ethan, I’ve been wanting this.”

Oh, he was in trouble.

“So have I,” He said, and he watched as a slow smile spread across Maddox’s face. Ecstasy danced behind those chocolate-coloured eyes, then he was drawing him in again for another kiss.

Maybe the wine had clouded his judgement. He did have one, two glasses before he arrived, after all. But it didn’t matter now, because Maddox’s lips tasted like wine, too, and he wanted more.

His hands wandered from Ethan’s hair down to his collar, where he began to undo the top buttons of his sweater.

He allowed Maddox to pull it over his head and toss it behind him, leaving his button-down on. Then Maddox ran his hands down his chest, and he tried so hard not to let out a whimper from how good that felt: firstly, because that would be simply _mortifying_ —he had to hold on to some shred of dignity, somehow—and secondly, because all Maddox did was run his goddamn hands down his body. But no one had felt him like this in a long while, and Ethan ached for his touch.

Maddox must have felt him shudder because he reached up and caressed his cheek. On instinct, Ethan closed his eyes and leaned into his warm touch, feeling Maddox’s gentle fingers brush his stubble. They remained like this for a moment, Ethan feeling warmth course through his entire body, thawing a chill he never knew existed inside him.

Then he pulled Maddox back to him, kissing him again. He decided to return the favour this time, feeling his way up the other man’s toned back.

Maddox let out a noise of satisfaction that could only be described as a purr, parting his lips to welcome Ethan further. His hands were back in his hair again, this time tugging gently with teasing fingers. It felt wonderful, being lost in his embrace, letting his guard down for once.

They came up for air after minutes that felt like seconds. Maddox’s eyes were shining as he looked at him, and Ethan was sure the warmth had now travelled to somewhere much lower than his chest. He reached out and took his hand in his once more, shaking his head to clear the clouds.

“What are you _doing_ to me?” He wondered. Maddox’s lips curved into a coy smile.

“Hopefully something good,” He replied, squeezing his hand back, and Ethan felt himself dissolve all over again. He couldn’t explain that this wasn’t like him: Ethan Ramsey just couldn’t do relationships. But he decided to try anyway.

“Maddox,” He began hoarsely, gripping his hand tight as if he could somehow make the other man understand. “I’ve never done anything like this. Ever. This is—”

He was cut off abruptly by Maddox’s fingers over his mouth.

“Mmpf…!”

A playful spark danced behind Maddox’s eyes, but his voice was warm and reassuring. “Shhh…you don’t have to say anything.”

Oh, but he did. Ethan couldn’t deny the feelings he had for Maddox, and that frightened the hell out of him because there was a clear line laid out in front of them, a line they couldn’t cross. But by being here, kissing Maddox, feeling him, letting him touch him like this, he knew he’d already crossed that line.

Sometimes life really wasn’t fair, was it? As a doctor, he knew this fact better than anyone else. But sometimes he had to remind himself, and then the truth of it would hurt all over again.

Ethan surprised himself when tears sprung to his eyes. They stung.

Maddox noticed this. “Ethan?”

He looked down and took Maddox’s hand away from his lips, before bringing them back again, kissing each finger softly. If, just for tonight, he forgot he was an attending, and Maddox an intern, could he forgive himself when he woke up tomorrow?

Maybe that was a risk he had to take and find out.

And that was why he didn’t resist, didn’t tell Maddox to stop when he leaned in and wrapped his arms tightly around him. Why he let him hold him quietly.

Some time passed with the two of them like this: Maddox holding Ethan close, letting him hook his chin over his shoulder while he stroked his back in long, soothing movements. He had to admit that it felt spectacular, being taken care of like this. Someone was patiently holding him, not asking for anything in return. It made him feel safe; he missed the feeling.

They didn’t speak for a while. Then Ethan pulled away, ready to start explaining all over again.

_We can’t go further. As much as we both know we want to. It’s unethical, and it’s complicated. I need…I need to push you to your limits, Maddox. To become the best doctor you can be._

Just as he had the words formed in his head, Maddox surprised him.

“Ethan…I understand.” He looked as upset as Ethan felt, but his voice was steady.

“You understand? What?” He reached for Maddox’s hand and held it tightly.

“I know what you’re going to say. ‘We can’t do this’, right? I know.”

“Maddox,” He said, feeling an ice chip slide down his throat. “I…”

All that he had planned to say became forgotten. Maybe he wasn’t the only one among the two of them with the ability to read people.

“Yes.” It hurt to agree. He noticed the immediate slump in Maddox’s shoulders, and then it became agonising. “We just can’t. You say you understand: I’m an attending, and…”

“…I’m just an intern,” Maddox finished, his voice cracking. He glanced up and Ethan saw that his eyes were wet with tears. “And we can’t, because it’s unprofessional, isn’t it?”

Ethan nodded stiffly. There was no need to make this hurt even more if he already knew. Some part of him was glad that Maddox was being so understanding, or he’d have to disappoint him even more than he already was. Maddox fell silent again, but his grip on his hand remained tight.

“Can I just hold you? For one night?”

The ache in Ethan’s chest grew. _Yes_ , he wanted to say. _Yes, please._

“I don’t know if that’s the best idea, Maddox.” He whispered, although now every fibre of his being was screaming at him to _stop, say yes!_

Maddox looked like he wanted to convince him further. But then he nodded, avoiding eye contact. He pulled his hand away.

“I should go, then,” He said woodenly. Maddox pushed himself up from the sofa, still refusing to look at Ethan. “Thanks for telling me about Naveen. I promise I won’t tell anyone. Goodnight, Dr Ramsey.”

And before Ethan could stop him, he moved to the door, and went out into the cold dark night.

Ethan remained unmoving from the sofa, staring at the door from which one of the three people he cared about most in his life just left through. It was perhaps an hour, maybe two, before he regained the feeling in his knees, before he gained the strength to stand up again.

His mattress felt bigger than ever when he climbed into bed that night. And as he closed his eyes, some of that chill he now knew existed came crawling right back under the covers with him.


End file.
